I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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