i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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