People in love make me want to vomit
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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