just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
