didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
