The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
