Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
