Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
