We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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