He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
