Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
