I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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