So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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