Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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