At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
