So drunk its hurt
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
