I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no you cant smoke seaweed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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