She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
