We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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