we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
