someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
