do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
