I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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