I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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