I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
