So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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