I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
