I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
