she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Congratulations! We have a period
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
