how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
