I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
