Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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