so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
