So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
