I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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