i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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