I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
