before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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