I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
