She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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