Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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