I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
