You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
