why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
