If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
