I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need a beard to bite.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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