He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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