So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
