I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
