Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
