You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
