you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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